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[08 Nov 2004|05:18pm] [ mood | restless ] [ music | Velvet Revolver ¤ Fall to pieces ] </a> . Friends only Comment to be added <3 8 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

Well isnt my life interesting [17 Sep 2004|02:05pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Sublime- Get ready ] Stayed home most of the day then went to school for a couple hours and chilled out at luch then went home again. My satuday.. like 6 days ago was fun I kinda told my rents I was goin outside to smoke a butt and ran off the property haha then I was out all night chillen. Loveee it. I'm out though.   Later <3 This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

Wasssssup yo [05 Aug 2004|04:47pm] [ mood | lazy ] Cheerleading camp is tomorrow ! I was worried about my legs so I didn't want to go but whatever my parents already paid so I have to go. I haven't gone to any of the pre-camp things though. I was sooooo wicked sick. Definitely don't try living your life when your coming back down off something because it's not a good idea haha. Ayways I just left the coach a message asking her about camp and saying that I hope something can be worked out so that I can still go but if I can't.. OH WELL. Next week I start CIT for this YMCA camp in Northborough. I guess it's volunteer but I had to get my worker's permit yesterday for it. Anyways, I saw my doctor and he DOUBLED my meds I was like sitting there stunned and then he scratches his chin and and told my dad he wants to put me on some Ritalin. My dad, of course, being the huge druggie that he was back in his day started up this whole thing.. He said it's like SPEED (which is ECAXTLY why I should be on it) and he was asking about the Doctor's medical training haha. Well, apparently this is a very knowledable doctor, so my dad felt pretty f***ing stupid after all that. Turns out my dad didn't get prescribed he got it off the streets. Maybe that's why he was so sketched out about it. Anyways I should probably be packing right now. I've been asleep all day. I was su burnt out from just constantly smoking. It's been fun though. I don't know how I'm goig to live at cheerleading camp without my butts either. Seriously. I got laughed at by all ym friends who aren't cheerleaders when I told them we had to go to camp for this stupid shit. This is precisely why I don't want to go. Whatever. I'm trying to get some hookups for tonight and maybe go out and chill after I work on packing. I was supposed to go into Boston today but I was too f***ing lazy because I can't eat and I'm fucking tired. Maybe that's a side effect of all the shit I'm on. Knocks you on your ass I guess. I'm out though, later.   3 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

[01 Aug 2004|03:58pm] [ mood | peaceful ] Haha yes.. so much shit has happened I just didn't feel like writing about it. Whatever. I went to the hospital like two nights ago because my dad is intense and called the cops on me.. It was fucked up. My dad is fucked up. It doesn't even matter. The next day I went out with Justin to chill and I felt so much better after I got out of the house. It really gets to you when you live here. Anyway I've been like off the ground for the past 24 hours. I love the fucking world. Diving around in Tom's car was so fun. We went to Frammingham. I yelled at him for running a red light. When I got home my parents and I went out to dinner. Fun shit we went to Ruby Tuesdays and dinnner was good. I came home and my mom rented me 13 going on 30 and I watched it today and sat around doing nothing. Maybe I'll do something exciting later. 1 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

Eurotrip [30 Jul 2004|09:12pm] [ mood | sad ] "Scotty, we need to talk." "About what?" "About me dumping you." "What?" "I just can't take all the lying and cheating anymore!" "I never cheated on you, hunny." "I know, that's what makes this so hard."   </3 Yea. It's over and it's entirely my fault. I should be dubbed a minx. Or a Fiona =( 1 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

Why is this world so empty and dark? [29 Jul 2004|09:36pm] [ mood | lonely ] I had a friends only journal for a while. A lot of things were going on and I tried to cover them by keeping them a secret. Everyone knows all my secrets anyways. My mom reads my journal. My real journal- the one I really tell all in- and she read it. I was cutting so much. It was nearly everyday. I wrote about it and all my friends read about it and told me how worried they were and to stop because they were scared. You think I'm not fucking scared? I'm terrified by this world. So full of people and so empty at the same time. I wander around in this darkness looking for something to satisfy me. I feel like something is missing. I wonder how many times I have to say that before I find that thing to fill in this gap. Maybe I'm just a fucked up kid. Why isn't that a good enough excuse? I wish I could just go to a mental institute with padded white walls and watch TV all day. I could watch Dane Cook on comedy central. then, I just might never cut again. But since I just can't seem to do that, I remain a fucked up kid. My cuts and burns would fucking scare Lucifer. My parents aren't making matters any better. They must be either insane or simply idiotic to try to raise me the way they do. I sit upstairs in my bathroom carving the word DARK into my leg with a razor while my mom yells up the stairs to me that it's my fault. I don't know what's my fault. Everything, I assume, because in this household, I'm here to take the fault. Maybe after reading this, if you weren't scared you feel sypmathetic and want to help. Here's what you can do: Anyone interested in saving a troubled, fifteen year old girl from her parents by means of adoption, contact me via e-mail. xokskissbear143x@yahoo.com Thank you for your help. 5 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

Bad to the bone... B-b-b-b-b-bad [28 Jul 2004|08:03pm] [ mood | contemplative ] Well well well... I've been out at Katie's for the past three days. Fun times. Sunday night we chilled then went out with Justin and drove around then Monday Nicole D. came over and chilled with us and we watched T.V. and smoked and hung out. Last night Katie and I went out with Justin and Mat and drove around and smoked on this rock then went to Milford and smoked with Mat's friends which was cool. His friend was like a smoking a genious. I was very impressed. We left at like 10:10 and got home on time but Katie was totally freakin out that her parents knew. Ohhh man they could probably tell just by my eyes. We smoked today again when we got up while her parents were out but we used visine. Whoever invented that was brilliant, and probably smoked weed too. I know this because right on the front of the bottle is says Gets the red out. Now, I don't know about you, but usually when I haven't been smoking and my eyes are red, something is wrong with them. I would be more worried about what was wrong with them than getting the red out. That's how I know that the person who invented visine had the sole problem of red eyes and didn't want to get found out. Laugh now, but I saw it's brilliant. Anyhow, I came home today from Katie's. Got picked up at like quater of 6 and then went to counseling and she was totally blown away by everything I told her. I was completely honest with her about what I have been doing. I almost told her I was high right then- because I was- but that probably wouldn't have been the best idea. She was the one who told my mom to tell my probation officer that I had violated my probation. I was like "Great, mom, you go do that and I can go to jail. It should be fun." She's the one who's going to kill me. She's seriously going to do me in before I get out of the house. The saddest part is that I'm too busy trying to save myself from her that I can't save myself from myself. Well, my dad's on his way home from work and he's bringing icecream and whipped cream so I'm happy enough =). I gotta go, dinner's ready <3 I'm out. This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

It's so damn early... [25 Jul 2004|08:39am] [ mood | indifferent ] Not exactly sure why I'm up... I guess I had a lot on my mind. I decided to get online and see if anyone was on but obviously I'm a loser who wakes up 8:30 and will have no one to talk to. Yesterday, my mom and I had an epiphany or something because all of a sudden we are starting to get along. Maybe she'll let me see Dylan tomorrow =) Today she wants to go out and see the Harry Potter movie and go shopping. Maybe it will finally be nice to spend some time with her... even though she is the spawn of satan but I suppose on her good days she may be fairly reasonable- In which case I could stand to see a kid's movie with her. Dad is away in Utah or something.. Seriously, you get the chance to go away and you go to Utah? I guess I shouldn't say anything because I've never been there but from what I know it's not exactly my idea of a vacation. That's probably why my dad went and I didn't. 5 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

No more of this [24 Jul 2004|03:06pm] Hey guys.. I had really thought I was never gonna update this stupid thing again but I guess I might as well. Had court on tuesday and now I'm on probation- Never thought anything like this would ever happen to me. You always think you're invincible until something awful happens and you can't get away. Also I have to go to drug classes and stuff.. should be fun. Not. Whatever, I'll live it's my fault anyways. Seriously I just don't get along with my parents anymore. We used to be so close and now everything is gone. It's almost like there is nothing that can be done to make it go back to the way it was before. I feel like I'm asking too much because I want to have everything from them and I continue to live the way I do. It almost feels like everything is closing the door. If I ruin everything in my life I will never forgive myself. My boyfriend means everything to me. I love him so much and Dylan if you see this I want you to know that I want to promise you forever. Friends are something else that are important to me but I am really letting it go. Having one best friend and then not knowing who really cares about you is not the way to live. Katie I love you and you have been such a good friend to me through all of this. So many people would be scared by all the things I've bene getting into lately. People make mistakes I guess but it's more than just mistakes I've been making it's been making continually bad decisions. From here on out things are better. 6 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

Friends [31 Mar 2004|09:07pm] [ mood | calm ] Friends only. Comment to be added. 23 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

[21 Feb 2004|06:28pm] [ mood | calm ] How are you to know if your life is perfect? Are you to investigate every aspect to know? If you spend too much time worrying, then your life if clearly not perfect. I shall not worry, on account of I already know.  What am I supposed to think when he says he'll call but he never does? Or when he says I love you but he clearly doesnt mean it. I can say without a second thought that there was a time when I had it all. I suppose I will never know. Sometimes I feel.... ...lost ....alone ....hated ....disgusting ....like a bad person. Now all that is left to do is fall to my knees and ask "What do I have left to do? Now that I have lost everything and have nothing. When I have lost all hope who do I turn to? ....Friends... I couldn't... I have not been loyal and trustworthy. I am a bad person. ....Family.... I couldn't... there are too many secrets burried within me to share with my family. ...A Lover... I couldn't...I'm sorry that I have been untrue. I don't love you anymore. ...God... I couldn't... I have disgaced myself... I shall never have forgiveness. Please Forgive Me. 3 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

[20 Feb 2004|09:41pm] [ mood | artistic ] I know i havent known him long and my heart has yet to heal but i know that when i await his call the feelings i have are real i hope that he wont toy with me or leave me with tears in my eyes i hope that he will someday see how badly i wish he was mine i know that the last time i felt this way my heart was torn in two but i hope that things will get better from here i hope the one is you my feelings are flying through my my thoughts are on wings of a dove i wish that he could read my mind because this one could be love 6 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

wassssup [20 Feb 2004|05:21pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | headstrong ] haha yes my day was quite eventful... my mom definitely made me go see the third LOTR and it was three hours long. I have nothing against those movies but 3 HOURS WITH MI MADRE! *rips hair out* haha yes and then we went out to lunch at like 5 which is only 5 hours too late for lunch and then i had to run likr 4 million errands with her such as the post office and liquor store and some carpeting crap for my dad's new office. Veronica is definitely at ska is dead and i am stuck at home doing nothing hahaha my mom wont let me go anywhere it sucks dick ahhhhhh oh god i have a killer headache right now it is blowing my mind! maybe it's because 69% of the time over vacation i have been fucked up ahaha LIFE IS SO GOOD. 3 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

Lovin the surveys... this one's from George's LJ [19 Feb 2004|04:07pm] [ mood | blah ] Name:Emma Zimmer Do you like it?:sure do Nicknames: Em Age:14 Birthday:3/3 Sign: pisces Location: Upton Status: single Crush: rarrr Virgin?: of course Natural hair color: brown Current hair color: brown Eye color: hazel Height: almost 5'6 i think Birthplace: Boston Shoe size: 7 Bra size: hahhaha.... awkwardness... why dont u estimate [ Family ] Parents: yup Siblings: no Live with: rents Favorite relative: my cousin [ Favorites ] Number: 7 Color: pink or orange! Day: friday Month: any month thats during the summer Song: anything pertaining to sex =) Movie(s): thirteen? Food: popsicles and icecream Band: not sure Season: summer Sport(s): haha i do cheerleading? Class: yuck school shut up im on vacation Teacher: mr murten Drink(s): apple juice Veggie: carrots TV Show: umm...? Radio Station: 107.3 ot 104.1 Store: BJs! Word: titilation! Animal: kitties Flower:idk... State: new mexico! [ This Or That ] Me/You: uh me haha Coke/pepsi: jkfhdskhg ! Day/night: night Aol/aim: aim Cd/cassette:cd Dvd/vhs:make ! Jeans/khakis: who needs clothes? Car/truck: truck ;) Tall/short: err Lunch/dinner: lunch NSYNC/BSB: SPICE GIRLS! Britney/Christina: sluts! Gap/Old Navy: weathervane! Lipstick/Lipgloss: lipgloss Silver/Gold: gold Alcohol/Weed: weed heheheh [ Love and Relationships ] Do you have a bf/gf?: no sir Do you have a crush?: rarr! How long have you liked him/her?: 3.4 seconds If you're single...why are you single?: because boys are fartbrains! How long was your longest relationship?: 6 months? How long was your shortest relationship?: 3 days Who was your first love?: haha... embarrassed.. E.P. What do you miss about them?: kisses [ The Past ] What is the one thing you would change about your life: idk What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: i dont know Last thing you heard: "are you leaving?" Last thing you saw: playing mona lisa Last thing you said: haha yes Who is the last person you saw?: mom Who is the last person you kissed?: alyssa! Who is the last person you hugged?: Rolli Who is the last person you fought with?: dad What is the last song you heard?: i believe in a thing called love [ The Present ] What are you wearing?: haha not too much What are you doing?: typing! Who are you talking to?:george What song are you listening to?: commercails on le radio Where are you?: my room Who are you with?: all by my onesome self Who are you talking to?: lskhflshf ! Are you online?: yes How are you feeling?: have a headache Are you in a chatroom?: haha no [ Future ] What day is it tomorrow?: friday What are you going to do after this?: post this in my lj then go tanning possibly Who are you going to talk to?: mi madre Where are you going to go?: a tanning salon How old will you be when you graduate?: 18 What do you wanna be?: smart? What is one of your dreams?: well i had a sex dream last night... Where will you be in 25 years?: mexico [ Have You Ever ] Drank?: haha yup Smoked?: yes Had sex?: im still pure! Stolen?: five finger discount every day! Done anything illegal?: haha yesss Wanted to die?: sure Hit someone?: haha yes [ Other ] Do you write in cursive or print?: no i scribble Are you a lefty or a righty?: righty What is your sexual preference?: i like boys... no.. men What piercings do you have?: ears Do you drive?: no sir Do you have glasses or braces?: nope Did you like this survey?: sure [ Physical Appearance ] What do you most like about your body?: my feet And least?: umm everything besides my feet ! How many fillings do you have?: 1? i dont remember Do you think you're good looking?: sure i guess Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: haha only veronica who tells me she sweats me ;) often? every day :D Do you look like any celebrities?: nope [ Fashion ] Do you wear a watch?:no How many coats and jackets do you own?: 4 jackets i guess Favorite pants/skirt color?: pink! but i dont wear pink pants or skirts Most expensive item of clothing: umm idk? Most treasured?: my jeans from weathervane! What kind of shoes do you wear?:stripper shoes Describe your style in one word: cute i guess 7 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

now im freefalling [19 Feb 2004|12:44pm] [ mood | silly ] haha yess yesterday i didnt do anything? just stayed at home and slept and today will probably be the same. haha oh yea gotta love vaca. WOW vads lj makes me chuckle the pics from alyssa's house hah what a good time. here's the site www.livejournal.com/users/vad_swim wahooo gotta love those girls haha SUCH A FUN NIGHT! 4 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

fdjkhgkjgdsf ! [17 Feb 2004|06:31pm] [ mood | high ] haha i am so gay! haha and out of it yess today was good toked up wt alyssas AGAIN and then like od oin nyquil and excedrine with rolli now we are both fucked up hahaha i love u hun! 4 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

at alyssa's [17 Feb 2004|09:16am] [ mood | thoughtful ] haha yess definitely chillin with rolls and lyssa but vad had to leave at like the crack of dawn... toked up last night and vads fucking postin pictures!>??!!? hahaha good times girls u guys rock we definitely have pictures of everyone takin hits and lie legit porn pics of us hahaha such good times oh haha jennifer is great too lyl hunn but effing alyssa had to wake me up soo early this morning >:o 11 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

love struck mess [15 Feb 2004|06:51pm] [ mood | cheerful ] well well what a day veronica and i have had! yesterday was valentines day and we walked around downtown crossing and like od on nyquil and excedrine haha fun times and then we went and stood in the windows of store and pretended to be maniquins it was sooo fun and then we came home. today we went to fenway to see 50 firest dates and then we went to westie to go tanning but NOTHING was open and so we couldnt and then we went to dinos and then came home! now i am here at the funn hizouuuusssse of veronica A. droser yessss sir. 4 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

[14 Feb 2004|10:47am] i definitely didnt no that ur not supposed to take nyquil and excedrine and thats wat i did on tuesday. fun times. at least cheerleading was cancelled that day. season's over =( GOING TO BOSTON TONIGHT wahoo 6 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

happy valentines day [14 Feb 2004|10:42am] [ mood | annoyed ] Last game was yesterday.... nipmuc girls won. WOW my parents are fighting and they fight like 2 year olds it's ridiculous they are so dumb. I HAVE TO GET AWAY THIS WEEK. there is no way im staying here over vacation THEY ARE ALL UP IN MY GRILL haha veryyy annoying. Trying to make plans with veronica or something. 3 Can't resist.. | This sinful t e m p t a t i o n feels so good

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